Starting high school was extremely tough since it’s an entirely different environment from middle school and elementary school. Getting accustomed to lockers and strict teachers made most of my freshman year difficult but what made freshman year one of the best years of high school was meeting Crystal Branch, a ghetto Puerto Rican girl who was born and raised in the Bronx. Most of the kids in high school were afraid of Crystal because she had a bad reputation and a temper to match but I saw past that. I saw a girl who had a troubled past, someone not that different from everyone else.
One conversation was all it took and just like that we clicked as if we’ve known each other for years. We both knew each other like the back of our hands. I saw the deepest and ugliest parts of her as did she in me, but neither of us thought twice about being judgmental to each other. One had what the other lacked so we were both a support system to each other in one way or another.
Unfortunately near the end of freshman year in high school Crystals’ family had to move back to the Bronx for unclear reasons. The move from New Jersey to the Bronx happened so hastily that I was unable to give Crystal a formal goodbye let alone a means for us to keep in touch. I haven’t seen Crystal since but I still think of her from time to time and hope that one day fate will have us cross roads again.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Live Life With No Regrets
Just like everyone else in the world I’ve had a number of successes and failures, but I would not choose to change anything about my life. Everything in life happens for a reason. I’ve gotten my heart broken, gotten into trouble with the law, lost the trust of my parents, and gone through a number of other failures but I try the best that I can to live life with no regrets. I view every failure as a lesson that I can grow from, what can’t kill you can only make you stronger.
Aside from a number of failures I’ve also had a number of successes that I’m quite proud of. Overcoming my Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) has been one of my greatest successes because it opened up so many doors for me. When suffering from this disorder I would go out in public and feel a great deal of anxiety and paranoia. I felt extremely uncomfortable eating in front of people and would never initiate a conversation with someone for fear of being rejected. My social life was slowly deteriorating till I finally had enough and decided to face my fears. The more exposed I got to social settings the more comfortable I felt, and in a matter of weeks of exposure I had improved my social skills greatly. Along with my Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) I also overcame my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Paranoia all of which I view as great successes.
Everything in time will come and everything in time will end so I find it useless to reflect on my failures with regret when I could just live life in the moment. One never knows when their expiration date will be so it would be very unwise to waste that precious time with sadness and regret. I view failures as scars that will heal over time but negative feelings like regret only delay the healing process and can cause a nasty infection. View failures as lessons and you’re sure to live a life of happiness and content.
Aside from a number of failures I’ve also had a number of successes that I’m quite proud of. Overcoming my Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) has been one of my greatest successes because it opened up so many doors for me. When suffering from this disorder I would go out in public and feel a great deal of anxiety and paranoia. I felt extremely uncomfortable eating in front of people and would never initiate a conversation with someone for fear of being rejected. My social life was slowly deteriorating till I finally had enough and decided to face my fears. The more exposed I got to social settings the more comfortable I felt, and in a matter of weeks of exposure I had improved my social skills greatly. Along with my Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) I also overcame my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Paranoia all of which I view as great successes.
Everything in time will come and everything in time will end so I find it useless to reflect on my failures with regret when I could just live life in the moment. One never knows when their expiration date will be so it would be very unwise to waste that precious time with sadness and regret. I view failures as scars that will heal over time but negative feelings like regret only delay the healing process and can cause a nasty infection. View failures as lessons and you’re sure to live a life of happiness and content.
I Think I'm in Love
I have been in a number of relationships but my most recent relationship was the only one that had the true potential to blossom into true and unconditional love. I’m hesitant so say that I was ever in love with my ex though because the relationship ended as soon as it began and today my ex and I act like complete strangers so for those two reasons it kind of embarrasses me to say that I was ever in love with my ex. Having been through this relationship that perished ever so quickly I try to look back at this failure with no regrets and view it only as an opportunity to grow.
In the beginning of our relationship, my ex (whose name I’m choosing to keep anonymous because I don’t feel that they deserve to be named for a number of reasons) was in my eyes the best thing in the world. Every time my phone flashed with my ex’s name I would feel like I had won the lottery, every time we touched I would get intense butterflies, and never did we have a boring conversation. For once in my life I felt like I was actually worth something, like someone truly did care about me. I could be myself around my ex and not have to fear that I’d be judged. Of course there were a few bumps on the road but nothing that would phase my feelings for my ex.
Unfortunately that very same person that can nourish your heart can also destroy it. As soon as the relationship ended my ex made a complete one-eighty. Our daily conversations stopped and every time I had tried to initiate a conversation I felt like I was being pushed away. In a way I felt betrayed because my ex had been so far removed from all that we went through. I took a risk at the game of love and lost. I still get sad from time to time when I think of all the happy moments my ex and I shared but I’ve accepted the fact that it didn’t work out and that unfortunately people change. If love can feel so great when it’s with the wrong person I can only imagine how great it will feel when I finally fall in love with the right person.
In the beginning of our relationship, my ex (whose name I’m choosing to keep anonymous because I don’t feel that they deserve to be named for a number of reasons) was in my eyes the best thing in the world. Every time my phone flashed with my ex’s name I would feel like I had won the lottery, every time we touched I would get intense butterflies, and never did we have a boring conversation. For once in my life I felt like I was actually worth something, like someone truly did care about me. I could be myself around my ex and not have to fear that I’d be judged. Of course there were a few bumps on the road but nothing that would phase my feelings for my ex.
Unfortunately that very same person that can nourish your heart can also destroy it. As soon as the relationship ended my ex made a complete one-eighty. Our daily conversations stopped and every time I had tried to initiate a conversation I felt like I was being pushed away. In a way I felt betrayed because my ex had been so far removed from all that we went through. I took a risk at the game of love and lost. I still get sad from time to time when I think of all the happy moments my ex and I shared but I’ve accepted the fact that it didn’t work out and that unfortunately people change. If love can feel so great when it’s with the wrong person I can only imagine how great it will feel when I finally fall in love with the right person.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Besides My Parents, There Was...
One of the most influential people in my life other than my parents would have to be my therapist, Patrick Yates. While Patrick may be my therapist I view him more like a father figure …who has a major in psychology and makes one hundred sixty dollars an hour of course. Patrick has helped me through a number of obstacles from minor issues like my phobia of the ocean to major issues like Social Anxiety Disorder.
I first met Patrick about two years ago when I was forced to go to therapy due to a number of mental issues that I was and still am dealing with. In the beginning I hated the idea of going to therapy and found it very difficult to cooperate with my therapist, but eventually over time I warmed up to him. One of the most difficult issues that Patrick helped me with was my Social Anxiety Disorder. Before I had gone to therapy I had little to no friends, extremely low self-esteem, and felt a great deal of anxiety when talking to people but with about a years’ worth of mental work Patrick helped me overcome this disorder that was ruining my life.
Aside from my Social Anxiety Disorder Patrick has also helped me with a number of other mental problems such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Paranoia. Once I have completed my therapy I may or may not see Patrick again but just like family he’ll always hold a dear place in my heart. Patrick Yates is one of the most caring and genuine people I’ve ever met, he’s been with me through the toughest of times and for that I can’t thank him enough.
I first met Patrick about two years ago when I was forced to go to therapy due to a number of mental issues that I was and still am dealing with. In the beginning I hated the idea of going to therapy and found it very difficult to cooperate with my therapist, but eventually over time I warmed up to him. One of the most difficult issues that Patrick helped me with was my Social Anxiety Disorder. Before I had gone to therapy I had little to no friends, extremely low self-esteem, and felt a great deal of anxiety when talking to people but with about a years’ worth of mental work Patrick helped me overcome this disorder that was ruining my life.
Aside from my Social Anxiety Disorder Patrick has also helped me with a number of other mental problems such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Paranoia. Once I have completed my therapy I may or may not see Patrick again but just like family he’ll always hold a dear place in my heart. Patrick Yates is one of the most caring and genuine people I’ve ever met, he’s been with me through the toughest of times and for that I can’t thank him enough.
School Bells
Starting kindergarten had to be one of the worst experiences of my life. Born and raised in a Spanish household I only knew how to speak Spanish so going to an English speaking school for the very first time was pretty intimidating. I didn’t understand a word of what the kids and teachers were saying so I automatically felt like the outcast of the class. I remember crying every time my mother would have to drop me off at school, I would cause quite a commotion which I’m sure the teachers did not appreciate. I had little to no friends for most of my elementary school year because of my lack of self-esteem that had been built up, due to the fact that I felt like the black sheep in school because of my inability to speak English.
I spent my whole elementary school year in Parsippany Christian School. A Baptist school that was very strict when it came to academics and outer appearance. The girls in the school weren’t allowed to wear pants or skirts that were below the knees and boys were only allowed to wear khaki pants, denim was never an option-not even for field trips. The quality of education in Parsippany Christian School was top notch but the teacher’s maturity was a whole other story. Never in my life have I ever met such a superficial group of people, teachers would ridicule anyone that was different whether that is based on religion, race or sexual orientation. Individuals that were Muslim were labeled as terrorists while men that wore piercings were labeled as being gay; it was ignorant stigmas like these that caused me to have little to no respect to the teachers in my school.
My school environment was far from perfect but that superficial and close minded “Christian” school…and I use the word Christian very lightly because in my opinion they were far from it, gave me the ambition to be the open minded individual that I am today. I’ll always judge someone based on their inner appearance rather than what they may look like on the outside, so I guess I could partly thank Parsippany Christian School for my lack of shallowness.
I spent my whole elementary school year in Parsippany Christian School. A Baptist school that was very strict when it came to academics and outer appearance. The girls in the school weren’t allowed to wear pants or skirts that were below the knees and boys were only allowed to wear khaki pants, denim was never an option-not even for field trips. The quality of education in Parsippany Christian School was top notch but the teacher’s maturity was a whole other story. Never in my life have I ever met such a superficial group of people, teachers would ridicule anyone that was different whether that is based on religion, race or sexual orientation. Individuals that were Muslim were labeled as terrorists while men that wore piercings were labeled as being gay; it was ignorant stigmas like these that caused me to have little to no respect to the teachers in my school.
My school environment was far from perfect but that superficial and close minded “Christian” school…and I use the word Christian very lightly because in my opinion they were far from it, gave me the ambition to be the open minded individual that I am today. I’ll always judge someone based on their inner appearance rather than what they may look like on the outside, so I guess I could partly thank Parsippany Christian School for my lack of shallowness.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Introduction
Well...I'm not really sure how to start this whole "blog thingy" but instead of introducing myself to you I'll just simply explain what got me motivated to start Blogging...though I must say It'll be quite difficult typing while my parents are two feet away from me YELLING at eachother for god knows what.
The main & only real reason I've decided to blog is because I feel much more comfortable talking(err typing) about life & life's problems to a computer screen rather than a living & breathing human being. (pathetic right? lol) While you may think that Franny is just a tad pathetic for prefering to talk to a computer screen rather than a person, you've gotta agree that after a while you start to feel like you're bitching about your problems to the WHOLE world...& I definately know that a lot of people aren't interested in what I've got to say so why not just start a blog that no one except for me...& prolly Allie'll see right?
The main & only real reason I've decided to blog is because I feel much more comfortable talking(err typing) about life & life's problems to a computer screen rather than a living & breathing human being. (pathetic right? lol) While you may think that Franny is just a tad pathetic for prefering to talk to a computer screen rather than a person, you've gotta agree that after a while you start to feel like you're bitching about your problems to the WHOLE world...& I definately know that a lot of people aren't interested in what I've got to say so why not just start a blog that no one except for me...& prolly Allie'll see right?
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